MARRIAGE IS A PRIVATE AFFAIR
- Chinua Achebe (1930-2013)
1.LITERAL COMPREHENSION :
This is a story from Nigeria written by famous 20th century novelist Chinua Achebe. it finely presents a conflict between older and younger generations-regarding the issue of marriage .Nnaemeka , a young man of marriageable age from rural part of Nigeria goes to Lagos City for higher education. There he falls in love with a girl who has lived all her life in the Cosmopolitan in the city . they get engaged to marry. Nene wants to send the happy news of their engagement to his father Okeke, who lives in the village. but Nnaemeka knows that this news would make his father unhappy because in the Ibo culture , marriage has to be arranged by parents. Nnaemeka had just received a letter from his father in which his father had said that he had found a good village girl, Ugoye for Nnaemeka to marry. in such situation Nnaemeka decides to talk about his engagement with Nene when he goes home on leave.
In his visit to his father after 6 weeks, Nnaemeka informs Okeke about his engagement with Nene and tells him that she only can be his wife . Okeke is shocked when he learns from Nnaemeka that Nene is not Ibo and she is a teacher in Lagos . Okeke believes Christian women should not teach . Nnaemeka tries to convince his father that Nene is a good girl but Okeke cannot forgive his son and waves him away. some elders in the village suggest that Nnaemeka's strange behaviour is due to sickness. so he should be taken to a good herbalist . but Okeke knows that his son is not sick. Okeke was ahead of his more superstitious neighbours therefore he does not believe that Nnaemeka has mental problem.
In the city ,Nene and Nnaemeka get married. Nnaemeka sends his wedding pictures to Okeke . but Okeke destroys Nene's picture and sends them back to the couple with a letter saying Nnaekema that he has nothing to do with his wife. which makes Nene very sad, but Nnaemeka believes that one day his father will change his mind and accept them. but for 8 years, they reach no correspondence between father and son. In one occasion Okeke says that he has already closed his door for him.
The couple in the town lives happily with two sons. the news also reaches to the village but Okeke wouldn't hear about his son. One day Okeke receives a letter from Nene saying that his grandsons are insisting to see him since when they knew that they have grandfather in the village and she finds it impossible to tell them that you won't to see them. she also tells that she wouldn't come to village where Nnaemeka would come with the children. Okeke tries not to give in but now feels he is fighting a losing battle. he feels that he will not be able to shut his door to the children. the idea of grandson melts him and he soon realizes his mistake not giving invite to his son and daughter-in-law for 8 years into their home. He regrets for his decision. he leans against the window and looks outside. the weather was also glowing. the sky was covered with black clouds and soon it started to rain heavily. he imagines his two grandsons are standing outside his door in angry weather waiting for his permission to come in the house. he hardly sleeps that night.
2.INTERPRETATION :
First, this is a story between cultures-traditional village culture and modern Cosmopolitan culture. Okeke represents the conservative tradition and the Young couple stands for modernity. the writer is implying that it is difficult for anyone to understand and accept things coming from a different culture. it takes time to build a cross cultural Bridge.
Next, this is the story of conflict between old and young generation- a father and a son. the writer may be trying to say that values of new generation are different from those old one and there is often conflict between them. Okeke stresses on religions and ethnic values and wants his son to marry a Christian girl coming from the same caste as him where as Nnaemeka looks for love and understanding caste and religions.
Most importantly, it is a story about marriage . the basic question it addresses is wheather marriage should be a private affair.Should young boys and girls choose their own life partners or should their marriage be arranged by parents ? Nene and Nnaemeka go for the first option and though they suffer from sometime ,they come up victorious at last. so the writer also seems to be supporting the idea that marriage is a private affair.
3.CRITICAL THINKING :
The story basically focuses on the idea that marriage is a private affair of individuals concerned. this idea is guided by modern western philosophy of individualism. this philosophy has no space for social and family norms. it does not allow the interference of parents or relative in an individual's marriage. he/she should be free to decide who or how they are going to marry. but haven't the marriages decided by parents been fairly successful most of the time? doest it appropriate to try to apply the western philosophy in traditional Nigerian context? should be Achebe trying to bring out the properties and specialities that lie hidden in his culture ? can we go on building cross-cultural Bridge at the cost of our own cultural identity?
4.ASSIMILATION :
After reading this story, I came to know that superstitious and back-warded societies are not only in Nepal, these people are everywhere else. this story made me remember the incident when I wanted to have an inter-caste marriage with my present wife. she belongs to the Magar family and me from Chhetri family. we were in a private affair at that time but our both family came to know our relation . as they were superstitious, both families denied our relation saying that we have different culture but we did not give up and decided that convincing both families , we would get marry and enjoy the happy life. finally we both became independent and decided to get married which was also accepted by both families . now, everybody is happy seeing us that we are enjoying our private marriage life.
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SOME QUESTIONS ANSWERS :
Q.1.Why didn't Nnaemeka's father support his on when Nnaemeka wanted to marry the girls of his own choice?
ANSWER : Nneameka's father ,Okeke did not support his son when Nnaemeka wanted to marry the girl of his own choice because the girl Nene whom Nnaemeka wanted to marry was not Ibo and she is a teacher in Lagos. Okeke believes that Christian women should not teach. In the Ibo culture marriage has to be arranged by parents . Boys have to marry with girls within a same caste ,religion etc.Q.2.What do you think is the story "Marriage is a private affair" trying to argue? Justify the arguments.
ANSWER : In this story, the writer is trying to give us the message that caste system does not exist for a long time and love is not bounded by caste system. Nene and Nnaemeka are from different castes and origins .the lover was from African orthodoxy Ibo tribe in which parents choose good wife for their son and the girl also should be a good christian to be their daughter-in-law. in the beginning of the story, we know that Nnaemeka had gone to town in which such practices would not be applied because it was a kind of melting pot . Later on forgetting caste practices, he got married and faced great problem. He was separated by his father for many years.Achebe shows that marriage is a private affair and the boys should free to search suitable girl. Truly a boy has to spend his whole life with his wife, so he should not follow what his parents compel to do. the writer does not seem to be supporting Okeke's ideas . in the story, he makes victory of Nnaemeka by getting marries with his beloved, Nene .in this way it shows that marriage is a private affair and parents should allow their children to search their good life partners themselves .
Q.3."Marriage is a private affair" revolves around the conflict between Nnaemeka and his father;
a)please describe this conflict.
b) explain the reasons for this conflict .
c)is this conflict ever resolved ?
d) relate a similar conflict from your own life- with a friend, child , or parent . please consciously model your style after that of Achebe's .
ANSWER : a) "Marriage is a private affair" presents the conflict between Nnaemeka and his father. Okeke ,Nnaemeka's father represents the traditional cultural values , norms and beliefs where as Nnaemeka represents the new generation. therefore the conflict is about the cultural values and norms between old and new generation. Nnaemeka is in love with Nene. he has nothing to do with her tribe . He thinks marriage is a private affair and he does not like his father interfering in his marriage. for Nnaemeka, caste is not important. we give priority to the love than to the caste . but his father ,Okeke is so strict in his beliefs that he is even ready to give up his own son but he does not like to accept a girl from another tribe as his daughter-in-law. b) the reason of the conflict is the 'idea' that Nnaemeka and his father hold.
c) Okeke forces Nnaemeka to marry with the girl arranged by him but Nnaemeka does not obey his father. he decides to marry Nene , the girl of his own choice thinking that marriage is a private affair. when Nnaemeka decides to marry with the girl from another tribe his father gives up him. Nnaemeka and Nene settle themselves in the town. after eight years, Nene writes a letter to her father-in-law requesting him to allow his grandsons to see him . that letter changes his mind and he decides to welcome all of them in his home. in this way the conflict is resolved.
d) This story remind me the incident when I wanted to have an inter-caste marriage with my present wife. she belongs to the Magar family and me from Chhetri family. we were in a private affair at that time but our both family came to know our relation . as they were superstitious, both families denied our relation saying that we have different culture but we did not give up and decided that convincing both families , we would get marry and enjoy the happy life. finally we both became independent and decided to get married which was also accepted by both families . now, everybody is happy seeing us that we are enjoying our private marriage life.
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